SPIRITUAL: MY FALSE TWIN FLAME EXPERIENCE-The best thing to ever happened to me (explicit)
Some may be familiar Twin Flames. Others, not so much. I had a brief but strong relationship with a man where we had such a strong connection, it caused me to look up these “symptoms” I was going through. I had never felt those waves of complexities before. Nor have I experienced them since til this day. So back to these series of emotions, it caused me to research exactly what was going on and I had indeed confirmed I
was going through a true Twin Flame experience. Or so I thought. What I had experienced was what I would call a False TF experience.
This isn’t a real term and is defined by many in numerous ways but it is my truth and how I surmised that experience. I never knew what a TF experience ever was. I never asked for this to happen to me. All I knew was that this was happening to me and how do i continue this? This experience opened up a new way of living I had to quickly dive myself into. It help to ignite my spiritual path and although it was one of the most traumatizing experiences I have ever had in my life, I learned so much and it allowed me to be who I am today, period. For those who have no idea what a twin flame experience is click here to a link for a brief introduction. For those familiar of this experience, allow me to explain:
I remember sitting at the end of the bed as my then husband told me t
hat he never loved me. He stated he hadn’t loved my in three years. I asked if her was sure about leaving the relationship. He stated there was nothing to save. Okay, fine. Let the divorce begin. He moved out that day and moved in with his mother and his new gf and gf baby (yes, that same day he told me). Whatever. I was alone. I had hit a rock bottom and I had completely given up on any form of spiritual beliefs. Afterall, what god(s) would put a human through this shit? I had friends but I was stoic, depressed, miserable and opening my eyes to the reality in front of me. Raising kids n my own, no fall back money, I didn’t like myself, I looked horrid, etc. I called my friend, we’ll call him James. You see James was a male friend I had known in school. We weren’t really close back then but we kept in touch.
I was working on an art project for him so we began to build a friendship. It
was comforting, fun a different, because i had finally met someone who understood my morbid and sarcastic humor and who could retort back with similar intellect. I’m a sapiosexual and I find it difficult to connect with anyone so a friend is better than nothing. I remembering telling him his art piece was going to be a bit late due to me getting a divorce. He was stunned but was a listening ear. We spoke all day long. It was over 8 hours or more throughout the weekday. It doesn’t sound normal (because it wasnt) but it was very comforting and what I needed during this annoying and semi nasty divorce that was ahead of me.
After a few weeks of talking, I began to have dreams about James. I paid no mind to it and then I began to notice the strong sensation. It was a strong magnetic pull I had whenever I spoke to him on the phone. The conversations that were once sutible for young viewers, was now inappropriate to Craigslist’s standards. Seems like a simple enough solution for us to get together. The problem was he had a girlfriend he had been dating.
I was at a low point of my life. I didn’t want to lose what I felt was my only friend at the time because of some weird, strong ass feelings I had. I felt I could ignore them and they would go away.
JUST LIKE HEAVEN
In the upcoming weeks, I realized I was going through a spiritual awakening. It was a process I knew nothing about and the “symptoms” were coming left and right. Along with going through this spiritual awakening, James and I were getting really close with one another. We were spending time in each other’s physical presence. Whenever I was around him, I felt this intense magnetic pull being next to him. I could feel his thoughts. He could sense mine. I would deny it but he was accurate. I would dream about him. My heart chakra would pound around him. It would ache when I was away from him. My curiosity for what this could be superseded my ethic of him having a girlfriend and him being apparently committed to her. Of course I got the spill of him breaking up with her. She was sooo awful, ugly, fat, talentless and she was blah, blah, blah. You get it. She was not me. I was not her. Although he wasn’t my type physically, and I didn’t approve of his chovanistic, rude, disrespectful ways, I HAD to know what this beautiful feeling was between us! I had to!
I had NEVER encountered an experience such as this. The magnetic pull, the senesations around him. He smelled like heaven! His voice soothed my soul. All I needed was to know that his attention was focused on me and I was okay. My heart chakra pounded and he saturated my dreams nightly. I would dream about us being together. I had dreamed about us in various dimensions, past lives and lucid dreams of us moving away to have a mixed family. My taste busd were different. I am an artist and even colors were more vibrant. I remember seeing the light glisten from the leaves of a tree and the wind blowing the grass back and forth. It was the true manefestation of beauty. And all of these wonderful sensations couldn’t compare to the sexual energy and connection we had.
It felt sacred, wonderful and I couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else. I can’t put into words the intensity and evolution the sex was. The closet way i can place it was it being close to tantric and soul mergig. I quickly learned what my body was able to do. I would dream lucid dreams of us bring together in all different realms. I would dream of us being together and I saw us connected to a thread that was golden and glowing and what was as thick as a hose. I would wake up in the middle of the night, being in his arms and seeing this reality and numerous others. It felt as though he had awaken a different way of life for me. It was beautiful, angelic, and mysterious. Although I didn’t have all of the answers, I wanted more.
THE RED FLAGS
Of course you know by now the red flags were there. They were neon red but I had felt like I was in a deep trance. I felt I couldn’t leave. Not yet. I felt like my world would end if I had left him and this feeling of being with him, I would never get from anyone else! Although we felt like we were uniting from a soul perspective, I still had to deal with him and his current ways. He had no children. I have 3. He would make comments like, “we can pick the first child and you can give your other 2 children to their father.” What? Then that statement turned into, “It was a joke.” Sadly comments like these became frequent.
When we did hang out, I remember seeing dark cloaked images around him in the night. He was afraid of those images. He would try to light candles around us. Say Urba phrases around me. My friends and family disliked him. They is liked him but despised my ex husband even more so in their eyes, he was the lesser of the 2 evils.
I hated not being in a committed relationship. I got the fuck boy handbook list of statements of how he was leading up to breaking it off, blah, blah. Something always came up. Some reason he could never do it. Nothing would delight him more for us to move away and whatever. I gave him so much light and energy when he was around me. I guess. I gave him enough energy to fuck any female available. It must be amazing to be that inspirational to another.
I felt I was getting closer to James and what once was an angelic, spiritual experience began to feel like entrapment and spiritually abusive. I stayed around because talking to a few people, I felt I needed to show him unconditional love without worrying about comments, then perhaps we can be together. I was researching more on what was going on between us but i still felt as though I wasn’t any closer. I had to contact another metaphysical resource.
I reached out to various physics. Some were annoying to say the least. Others tried to vaguely tell me a statement as if I would absorb it and skip away, happily into the sunset. What was a common theme was me asking about him and majority of them not being able to “see” anything but they could sense that James was horrible for me. They did not know why nor did they know why they couldn’t “see” why. I was left with pieces to the puzzle that led me no closer to where I was.
I asked if James was some sort of soul mate? Twin flame? “Oh, God No! He’s nothing to you!” Humph, that’s weird. All of these emotions, energies, passion isnt NOTHING! Perhaps this psychic is broken.
As I continued to date James, he began to lack respect for what we had. Of course I was not the only one he was dating. Probably not even top 5 anymore. The possessiveness began to peir his head out of him. Questioning wher I was but no sign of commiment on his part. The beautiful, spiritual , uplifting experienced felt dreary, toxic, and one sided and it wasnt for my benefit. I didn’t like him as a person. I didn’t want him around my children. I didn’t want a relationship with him but I felt compelled to stay. Most people would never understand this feeling because they have never felt that connection.
I remember I was at home. I had been going through a lot. I was reaming night and day. I saw visions and felt various emotions. I knew my spiritual awakening experience wa son overdrive. I went to bed one night and I saw, much like what I was seeing frequently whenever i was astra projecting a different dimension. What cme close to me was best what I could say was a huge dragon coming towards me. This dragon had no defined face. What I can best describe is it looking like a catepellar in its movement. It moved in the form of 3d, geometric like triangles. I should be able to explain this better since I’m an artist but sorry, no. A geometrical-3d-dragon. That’s what that was. I awoke knowing it was James in some form. I couldn’t explain it but it was him and i didn’t like it.
My time with James began to become annoying and felt like babysitting. I knew exactly what he was going to say, what he was going to do and all of it was for his well-being. I was just another trophy for him to declare to his friends. He would try to tell me something along the lines of him being closer to be able to leave his girlfriend but honestly, i was hoping I could leave before her. If she were to leave, then his ass would latch on to me FOREVER! Oh, dear Lord, no. No! I would still hang out with him. I noticed him lighting candles in his room through the day. It seemed stupid and annoying. He seemed anxious, desperate to keep my attention and afraid of something. He never had a moment of silence in his home. The music was always playing. That. Fucking. Annoying. Music! The sex was different as well. I didn’t want to look into his eyes. I was disgusted and wondering what the hell i was doing with him anyway. I broke it off briefly. We got back together after a few weeks. Why? Because, i didn’t want to be alone. That was the only reason. How I felt didn’t dissipate.
I went home one night. I went to sleep. I was having a lucid dream. It seemed as though It was a different time and I was riding in the truck with an older man. I don’t know how I got into the truck but I couldn’t put on my seatbelt because the ride was so bumpy. The man had us riding down a steep, bumpy hill. He was smiling and seemed to enjoy being so reckless. I didn’t recognize this man physically but I sensed who it could be. I opened the glove compartment and there was a letter, it had his name written on it, JAMES.
I woke up, feeling like I had been pulled out of soe force. I immediately woke up and felt like I had had a curse placed on me. I sat in the bed recollecting all of the red flags, signs, and his actions. I am very analytical person but my sensory and being in a phase of a spiritual awakening, I knew what was going on. I just knew it.
THOSE PSYCHICS AGAIN
I didn’t know what to do with this information nor did i know the specifics. I decided to communicate with some psychics I had grown to communicate with. I didn’t want to be biased. I had learn from this time not to divuldge nor give any information out that would cause them to lean into what I was suspecting. I simply asked, “Has someone close to me been putting any evil spells on me?” I asked 3 psychics who had no idea who the other was confirm, yes, indeed someone I knew was casting spells on me.
WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON
What? How so? Apparently, James had been seeing this conjuror who gave him a series of voodoo spells to do to keep me. I can tell you now, it was a voodoo spell that mimics the energy of that particular person’s highest love. That aura of this person is like a paper costum or paper mask. But we all know how durable paper is through time. His spell made you attractive to the person you are trying to fool. All 3 psychic confirmed it with different details. Details I never shared with anyone. I went further into talking to a few who were knowledgeable in voodoo. I knew I had to leave and I had to protect myself, stat!
THE ESCAPE PLAN
I didn’t believe in voodoo. I didn’t know it could happen in real life. I assumed it was some hocus pocus, mumbo-jubo. It doesn’t matter, it’s real. I knew what had happened to me could not happen again in the current spel casted against me. My spiritual vibration was rising and the same old tricks couldn’t be placed on me again. I also was concerned if those old tricks would turn into stronger, new tricks. I didn’t know if I could handle anymore attacks since he had been doing those throughout the relationship. I was scared but more angry than anything. He was a complete coward and fraud. He had wasted my time and I felt spiritually violated. Most importantly, I felt I had lost the most important thing for me getting out of a marriage, my freedom of choice. That had to be recitified.
I remember calling him that same day i had the truck dream. I never stated wht i knew but i wanted to give him one last opportunity to confess, admit or explain himself. He knew what i was passively asking and like a coward, he retreated by trying to change the subject. He knew I realized what he had done. As I was hanging up the phone, he interrupted, trying to see when would be the next time I call him back. I gave no answer.
I reached out to sources, protected myself and I ceased all forms of communications with him. Im very vague about this part. You don’t need to know. No calls, texts, social media, smoke signals. And you know what? He left me alone. He knew. I had to gather myself and move on with my life.
LESSONS I LEARNED
It took me around a year to get my shit together, emotionally. I felt extremely emotionally violated from the situation. I spent a good amount of time trying to find someone like James. I couldn’t find them nor should I have gone that route. My heart healed via time, reiki and various healing techniques. These techniques by the way , I wouldn't have been curious about had I not gone through this experience. I delved into the knowledge of wicca, hoodoo, voodoo and other metaphysical practices. I learned a great deal about energy, astral projection and I am still learning. This lesson has opened a new door for me to continue to journey. The most precious lesson however was me finally learning to love myself.
When I finally broke it off with James over the phone, inspite of the strong intense feeling and curisoity I had on what was between us, and felt obligated to embark on, I told myself, I didn’t care what metaphysical, supernatural, other dimension thing this was, it had to be a mustual, respectful two way street. I didn’t see it being that way and he needed a lot of time to grow the fuck up if we were to ever be together and i wasn’t waiting for him to do that on the side line.
I learned I was more important than anything. It was going to be alright to be alone and I will love again and I will not accept any form of disrespect from anyone I was dating or potentially marry. I never wanted to experience this again so I made sure to learn to protect myself from energies like James. What he was and why. Heal from this. Grow from this and the ultimate revenge is forgetting about this on an emotional level and living the best life I could.
I believe we spoke on the phone one time. It was probably 1 year ago. It was nothing. I almost FB friended him but then I thought about it. I needed to know if I had truly had closure from the experience. I am able to discuss this horrendous event to anyone and write about it with no emotional attachment to it. I’ve done A LOT of work and I am no longer at the low spiritual vibration I was once in in the beginning of my spiritual journey.
This is why I call this my false twin flame experience. Athough, yes, i do have a TF, I am not on this Earth to seek out this entity, this soul. I am here to live the best life for myself. I use to look fo rthis TF because of the intense emotional, spiritual and sexual experience but I don’t look fo rthat any longer. I am over all of that intensity and exerting all of that energy for something that has not happened. I can spen this energy being happy. The lessons that needed to be learned? Love yourself: Love yourself more than to sacrifice your happiness, emotional, spiritual and physical well being for anything in any dimension could ever give you. You are worth more.
I’m certain you have questions. I’m here.