Life without child support. You can do it!

It was late June of 2018. I sat in the courthouse awaiting my old married name to be called, “King vs King.” Finally! I swore under oath and sat down. These court meetings had been going on since October 14, 2014. Even before then but sitting there, the past continuiously tapping me on my shoulder, I was completely over it. He had exhausted all of his excuses: I’m unemployd because I don’t have a resume, I have diabetus, I am trying to get into school, the dog ate my homework. I sat in sileence as the judge, after giving him 4 years of second chances stated, “You didn’t do anything I told you to do!” he had no response. After being in contempt of court, she sent him home. I left out of the ocurt room, not angry but completely over it all.

I was over not receivin child support for our 3 children and being in court because I had to , “do it for my kids.” No. I had to teach my children how to be great citizens and make them wonderful people who love themseves. In order to do this, I, personally needed all energies to be towards my present and future. This haunting past had to go for me to be my best self formy children. This was a personal choice I had to make and not listen to other people who do not know what is best for my wellbeing.

What if?

I look back at 2014 when we divorced and he was ordered to pay for child support. I remember sitting, working, hoping to receive something to supplement for taking care of the kids on my own. Nothing. Rarely anything for 4 years. Since 2014, I have seen the world. I have traveled on my own to many of these distant places. I went from an obse housewife with an art, craft hobby to having 3 businesses. I went frm this person who didn’t love herself to a woman who feels like a fucking goddess each and everyday. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror in 2014 and now I love to see a photo of myself and the twinkle in my eye. I feel the light shining from within me giving to pther on the outside. My kids went from sad looking hobo kids, to self confident, individuals with compasionate and emotionally intellegent souls. They skip happily when they walk.

I have all of this because I was forced to get job after job to take care of my children. Now what would have happened if I received support form him? Would I have desired to get out ther and hustle? Whould I have filled out that job application that day to get that job interview that lead me to a job where I would travel to see Japan on my own? No. No, I would have not done any of those things. In fact, the worst thing he could have done for me was to actually pay child support because it would have left me comfortable, thus stagnant. It would have held me back at striving for more.

What if I knew the money was coming every month? I wouldn’t have accomplished as much as I have already accomplished. I really own him a huge, “Thank you.” He doesn’t know it but it casued me to become stronger, faster, and to desire to focus on self healing myself because I didn’t have a crutch. I didn’t have anything to fall back on. I didn’t fully trust tht I would land on my feet. Now, I believe I can do anything as long as I want to.

Don’t forget to love yourself

With this situation, it is most important to take care of yourself. As a single parent, you are the rock and the foundation for you and your children. In order to do anything, you need to take care of yourself, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Whatever approach you would like to take, you have to make sure to spend some time on loving yourself. Affirmations, washing your face, meditating is free. It doesn’t cost to take some time out daily to show some self love. It also isnt a selfish thing. You are showing your kids to love themselves and HOW to do so in a healthy manner without depending or seeking that validation from another human. What’s better than that? You love for yourself transfers to your beautiful child(ren). Yes, it may be a lot more difficult journey raising child(ren) on your own to say the least but know you are a loving strong and brave human being and you can do this! I believ in you. You’ve got this!